7 ‘Expert’ Tips On How To Steal Meat From The Pot
December 19, 2020
A lot of us who grew up in African homes can testify to the fact that stolen meats taste better than the one you were served in the dining. Now, I'm not talking out of experiences before you think your favorite blogger did it once or twice... hehe! A friend told me, and I swear, I was born-again from birth.
What we call stealing meat from the pot is actually with age.
The siblings who are bit above adolescence walk into the kitchen with all boldness, take the mean and slide away, secretly praying mama would not catch them, even if she will not do anything.
Afterall how much is full chicken in Shoprite?
Another set of siblings are those ones who are still in secondary school, especially the ones who come from boarding schools.
They do what we call top-up, whereby you take a little rice, stack meats to your satisfaction, top it up with rice and quietly join the rest of the family in the sitting room.
If a sibling catches you, he gets a share and if mama catches you, you laugh over it and in a few cases, you return it to the kitchen.
However, there are some other ones of us who are still very young, and it is practically stealing. This article if for you and I.
How To Steal Meat From The Pot, The Expert Way
In stealing meat, no one is an expert. It's either you're caught or you are not!
If you are caught, no qualms, I be thief, and I am sorry. In most cases we can blame it on the devil.
On the other hand, we move on if we are not caught. Same time, same venue, tomorrow! Or maybe, the next time you're alone in the house.
• First make sure you're alone
You can be home alone with a fellow criminal sibling of yours, but make sure he is not below 10. They can tell mommy and you won't even know where to start denying from.
• Make sure the meats are more than 10
This is very important, except it is some meat you can divide, then get a knife ready. Some other colleagues of yours do what we call slimming down of meat, where they chisel them down and take the extras.
Basically, the butcher didn't do a nice job and they're helping out.
• Ask God for forgiveness
It doesn't matter whether you'll ask for forgiveness after eating, something might happen while you are still committing the sin.
A little I'm sorry LORD, it is only gluttony and you move on.
• Get a spoon
Very important, never use your hands. Dipping your hands into the stew pot will add to the sin and if you must steal, do that honourably.
A fork will also be helpful, but sometimes it'll fall of and splash stew all over, and you have to start an emergency clean up.
• Take it
Omo! Take it, deep into your mouth and clean it. One of the laws of stealing meat is that you should never take more than you can eat.
The pot is always there, and you can return tomorrow. Never take to remain, or your siblings will remember to gather in your room and you will not be chanced to consume them.
• Warm the soup or stew
This is one of the mistakes most meat stealers do - not warming the food.
Why steal and let the rest sour?
Warm it bro, so we can meat again same time, same place!
That way mama would even thank you for helping with the kitchen, something she knows you'd never do on a normal.
That's all!
Do you have any friends that can do better? Or need to upgrade their skills?
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